April 7th, 2003


(no subject)

I took the pictures of her that i had up at work down and brought them home. I have a hole in my heart. I have so much anger and so much sadness. I want to rip my heart out to stop the hurt. I don't know how I make it, how I can make it. I can't lean on Aerith forever. I have to stand on my own two feet, but I don't have much to stand on anymore.
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An open letter to Aerith

Dear Aerith,

Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there when I think I cannot continue. Thank you for reminding me how to live when I think I cannot. Thank you for telling me to put one foot in front of the other, no matter how many times I resist and no matter how many times it tires you. Thank you for calling me at work just to make sure that I'm ok. Thank you for giving me energy when I have none of my own because I gave it all away. Thank you for holding me back from hurting myself. Thank you for letting me know that I am strong; that I will get through this.

Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for driving me all those places. Thank you for Quarto, for My Fair Lady, for the necklace, for the rose.

Thank you for your love. I know that I'm not the easiest person to deal with, that I have my problems, just like everyone else, but you are always willing to hold me. Thank you for holding me in the night. Thank you for loving me.

My lover, my protector, my knight in shinning (well...maybe slightly rusty) armor, my co-conspiritor in the night, my "sir", my punching bag, and, most importantly, my best friend and partner. I love you. I love you with everything in my being. With every heartbeat, every step, every breath.

Thank you for being you.

With all my love (yatches and yatches of it, but never a tugboat),
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    grateful grateful