May 11th, 2003


too young?

Friday Aerith and I went and got some info on morgages and made appointments to look at 2 apartments for sale in our current complex. We also looked at a place to rent. There is just so much stuff that I didn't even think about that you need to do when buying a place. I guess I would feel better if we had a couple thousand in savings, but we don't.
I feel like I'm too young to be buying a house. That I have a lot of "life" in front of me before I want to "settle down". I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I'm sort of wandering through life right now. I don't think I have the age/wisdom to come to this decision yet. And I'm scared. And I feel trapped. I didn't want to have to think about this for another year, but it is being forced on me. I don't know what to do and I'm scared that I'll make the wrong decission and be misserable for a long time or be stuck in something I can't get out of.

I don't want to be here forever.
I don't want to do this forever.
I wish I knew what I wanted.
I wish my path was laid out clearly before me.
It used to be.
It used to be so simple.
I don't know anymore.
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wear a mask, elhoffer

in other news

went out to dinner on friday with Aerith. It was really nice. We haven't gone out to dinner just the two of us in a long time. :)
Then 3G came over and we watched Spirited Away. I liked it. I felt it was a nice blend of different fairy tales and a really well animated and well told story. I'm not sure if it should have won the Oscar over Lilo and Stitch, but I might be biased.

yesterday was the Abbarant game. I got to be a group leader :). People had to listen to me. OH THE POWER! THE POWER! Actually, I think that I did a pretty good job as leader. Only one innocent died and he had volentiered to walk into danger. Of course the other plans later got compleatly shot to shit, but the volcano didn't blow, so that was good. Of course now we have to deal with character "death". I'm glad that I had the forsight to pull Stafbearer aside and tell him that Metis is dead. Must keep the team together now because revenge must come AFTER saving the world in less than 12 hours. In terms of game play, I'm really having fun learning how to use all my powers. I can do all sorts of cool stuff with water :)

Got down about a lot of things in the middle of the game yesterday. At least I really wasn't needed at that point. After game went to my neigbour's party. Was only there for a little while, but it was good for me. Made a really heathy decision based on my mental state.

work is really boring today. bleh. and I miss Mortis.